• Definition Of A Twit

    From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Saturday, July 04, 2015 11:55:33

    Definition Of A Twit Courtesy Of: Grant Bierman
    ==================== ==========================

    NOTE: This does NOT necessarily reflect the opinions of this Sysop;
    but it comes very close. <grin!>

    Twits love DOWNLOADING. Uploading is for simpletons who can't tell
    whether they are coming or going. If Twits designed modems, we'd all
    have on which downloads at 115200 Baud, and uploads at 300 baud. If
    Twits Wrote protocols, the smallest block they could receive would
    be 10 megabytes.

    Twits can't READ or COUNT. This is evidenced by their total
    inability to comprehend System rules, or UPLOAD/DOWNLOAD ratios.
    But, for some strange reason, they can still use a computer.

    Because of this handicap, most twits are unemployed. It is a
    miracle that most of them haven't been retained by the State to
    pick up trash on the expressways. They'd gladly volunteer for it;
    if it could be done with a modem and they were called "Remote-Trash

    Twits feel that the proper way to leave a board is to drop the
    carrier. They do this because they don't want to waste their
    valuable time exiting via the "Goodbye" command; when they could
    spend that time calling another board.

    Twits never leave messages, unless it is rude, crude, or socially
    unacceptable. If an exception to this exists, It will probably be a
    creative one liner such as "Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

    Twits rarely reply to messages...unless they enter a one liner such
    as the one above.

    Twits NEVER communicate with Sysops, unless it is to ask why such
    and such file is unavailable, demand acess to the "Private Areas",
    or gripe about something. Mail from the Sysop is considered to be
    the electronic equivalent of "Junk-Mail" and should be ignored. In
    fact, there should be a law to stop it from being written.

    Twits NEVER pay for access to a computer system. They see
    themselves as a latter-day "Robin-Hoods", taking from the rich
    (Sysop) and giving to the poor (themselves). Their motto: "If it
    isn't free, it isn't worth having."

    (Side Note: From a political standpoint, this sounds like what the
    liberals say, in wanting to take from the rich, and give to those
    who do nothing).

    Twits need multiple user names and logon passwords on each board
    they call. This is the measure of their Twit-dom, and reflects their
    true status in the Twit-community. A twit with only ONE user name
    and logon password per board is a FAILURE, and faces censure and
    possible expulsion from their peer group. No wonder that twits exhibit

    Twits know EVERYTHING...just ask them. But, it'd take a crowbar,
    and several sticks of dynamite to get any useful information out of
    them. These self-professed "experts" will rarely stoop so low to
    assist some who may genuinely need some help. After all, a real
    "hacker" never needs to ask for help.

    A Twit would not be caught DEAD using their REAL NAME when calling
    a BBS. In fact, twits refuse to leave anything more involved than a
    handle when registering to a BBS. The ONLY exception to this rule is
    that they will often use SOMEONE ELSE's real name. Or they may use
    the name of a Heavy-metal rock and roll group...imagine a system
    where everyone is named "Guns and Roses"!!

    Twits NEVER register their shareware. Cash is what they use to buy
    a faster modem or operating system. Program Authors are neurotic
    -compulsives-, and if they did not serve a purpose, twits would have
    them abolished completely.

    Twits ADORE Sprint, MCI, and other long distance credit card numbers,
    IF they belong to someone else. This also applies to CompuServe, AT&T,
    Prodigy, America Online, etc. Their motto is: "If you can't steal it,
    it can't be much fun".

    A twit is a "BBS connoisseur". They KNOW which BBS software is the
    BEST, and how the system should look and run. They will not hesitate
    to inform you if it fails to meet their demanding and very rigid
    expectations. They consider this a "PUBLIC SERVICE"; however, they
    would NEVER trouble themselves to run their own BBS. That might take
    valuable time away from their duties as "Remotes" on the boards they
    spend all their waking moments calling. In MOST cases, becoming a
    Sysop is an EFFECTIVE CURE for being a twit.

    Sysops who have no idea as to what their AUTOEXEC.BAT, AUTOEXEC.NT,
    CONFIG.SYS and CONFIG.NT files happen to be...or don't even know
    how their BBS is supposed to work...are in danger of becoming the
    "twit" that they were trying to keep off of their BBS in the first

    Twits LOVE to page the Sysop, often just for the sheer heck of it.
    They are most fond of "Late-night" paging. This is the perfect time
    for them to explain their infallable logic as to why they should be
    given remote-sysop access to your system. Their second most favored
    reason for wanting to chat is "just checking to see if your were

    Twits can't comprehend why the IBM program they just downloaded
    won't run on their Atari 800. After all, programs are programs,
    right?? And, any fool knows that a 32K machine can hold a 200K

    Twit users can't TOLERATE seeing a command that they can't use.
    Their motto is: "Try, try again. If it didn't work the first time,
    it HAS to work the second, third, forth, etc. No self-respecting
    Sysop would intentionally offer them anything less than TOTAL ACCESS.

    Twits are Fascinated by DOS. Their quest for it rivals the search
    for the legendary "Holy-Grail". They MUST reach it, through their
    modem, or all is lost. What they would do with it if they reached it,
    is probably a lot like what a dog who chases cars would do with one,
    if he ever managed to catch it (urinate on the tires to mark its

    Twits are totally ENGROSSED by hardware, they can conceive of the
    most unorthodox, outrageous, and potentially lethal contraptions
    known on Earth. Ocasionally, these "time-bombs" actually work!! Any
    difficulties they experience with their computers will fall under the
    heading of "miscengenation" or "Poetic Justice".

    Twits Crave the LATEST versions of "goober-pods", or "space weenies".
    To reward the Sysop for access to such mega-byte gems, they will upload
    VALUABLE and USEFUL programs in return. Such as "Weasel Stompers" for
    the Commodore-64, providing it is less than 10K in size.

    A twit NEVER uses application programs, and NEVER writes programs;
    (programs are what twits DOWNLOAD, and most can just BARELY write or
    spell). Their motto is: "If you don't need a joystick to play it, it
    isn't worth having".

    A real Twit will FLATLY REFUSE to use any compression method on
    files they intend to upload. After all, Sysops twiddle their thumbs
    waiting for something to do, and should be grateful that they get any
    uploads, EVER! They also refuse to upload documentation...they consider
    it a crutch for weak minds, and the hallmark of the Geek.

    Twits SUFFER if there are no "NEW" files on the system. There may
    be a correlation between "NEW" files and twits, much as there is one
    which exists between manure and flies. The only diffence is that flies
    usually leave after eating their fill...twits don't.

    Twits desperately NEED to become Remote-Sysops. They know that
    EVERYONE else on the system has SYSOP capabilities, and don't want to
    be excluded from all the fun! (Are all Twits created equal??)

    Twits think that the "Caps Lock" key must be activated in order to
    properly leave a message on the board. They think that their message
    is of such great importance that it must be screamed at everyone.

    Occasionally, an above average twit who discovers that modeming can
    be a two way street will attempt to get around upload/download ratios
    by renaming the same program fifteen or twenty times and use it to
    fill the sysop's hard disk with redundant programs. After all, rules
    were meant to be broken...right???

    Posted by VPost v1.7.081019

    --- Virtual Advanced Ver 2 for DOS
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS (1:19/33)
  • From Nick Andre@1:229/426 to Daryl Stout on Monday, July 06, 2015 15:59:56
    On 04 Jul 15 11:55:33, Daryl Stout said the following to All:

    Definition Of A Twit Courtesy Of: Grant Bierman
    ==================== ==========================


    Twits are on Twitter...


    --- Renegade vY2Ka2
    * Origin: www.darkrealms.ca (1:229/426)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to NICK ANDRE on Wednesday, July 08, 2015 17:39:10

    Definition Of A Twit Courtesy Of: Grant Bierman
    ==================== ==========================


    Twits are on Twitter...

    Maybe so, but that's what these "bad users" were known as around here
    30 years ago.

    FWIW, I just signed up for Google Plus and Twitter today...both will
    take some getting used to. But, Facebook has been blocking my sharing of
    posts from National Weather Service pages, with information that could
    save peoples lives. Their IT department needs a serious overhaul.


    ■ OLX 1.53 ■ Critical Error: System Halted. Hit any user to continue.

    --- Virtual Advanced Ver 2 for DOS
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS (1:19/33)